Vacation from Myself

Tuesday, August, 5, 2008 I have returned from a time apart. I went far away from my home, my cat, my struggles, my efforts at discernment. It was time for a vacation from myself as I had become. I was thinking like a sick person, fearing as a sick person, acting like a sick person. I needed more than anything to remember who I am in this moment. And who I'm not. I'm not the product of pathology reports. I'm not the object of medical decisions. I'm not a bone between the two dogs of the medical system and the insurance system. I'm not many of the identities thrust at and on me in these last several months. So, I took days away to remember, to test my physical strength a bit, to quiet my mind and gentle my anxieties. It took some days to restore the connection with self. Prayer, beauty, new sights, new people. The refreshment of remembering who I am and not who I've been described to be by even the best of physicians. "Sick." "Not sick enough." Like the thousands of patients I've been privledged to meet, I took my turn at remembering: I am not diseases. I am who I am in this precious moment.